How would you like to be dumped?

Would you prefer a drawn out explanation? Would you like the bomb to be dropped after you have enjoyed your dinner & have a comfortably full tum? Or are you a “just text me & get it over with” type?

It is tricky to know the best way to breakup with someone – not just because, well, there is no nice way to tell someone you do not want to date them, but because it is tricky to tell if we are choosing techniques for our own comfort or the other person’s.

It is easy to be selfish with a breakup. They might need an explanation, but you can get away with not giving one.

But if you’re a decent human being & want to make your breakup somewhat less agonizing for the one being dumped, there is a certain communication style you should use.

New research from Brigham Young University in Utah has discovered that when it comes to receiving bad news, including being dumped, the bulk of people prefer a direct approach free of bullsh!t & waffling.

   

The research offered 145 participants different forms of hypothetical bad news, giving them different scenarios & 2 potential ways they would like that news to be delivered.

For each bit of bad news deliveries, participants were asked to rate how lucid, considerate, direct, efficient, honest, reasonable, & specific they thought the delivery had been. They were then asked to grade how they valued each of those characteristics.

On the whole, people valued clarity & directness over all other characteristics.

Researchers found that if someone is delivering bad news about a relationship, like firing someone or breaking up with them, the person receiving the bad news would prefer directness over a load of buildup or trying to “ease them in”.  

“An immediate ‘I’m breaking up with you’ might be too direct,” said researcher Alan Manning. “But all you need is a ‘we need to talk’ buffer – just a couple of seconds for the other person to process that bad news is coming.”

“If your house is on fire, you just want to know that & get out,” says Manning. “Or if you have cancer, you’d just like to know that. You don’t want the doctor to talk around it.” Fair point.

While dancing around the topic or buffering the news may help the person delivering it to feel less uncomfortable, it is no help at all to the person receiving it.

So if you are dumping someone, cut to the chase & deal with the fight as it happens. Do not drag it out just because you are feeling uncomfortable.